Things That Have Happened to Me Today

A Report in Bullet-Points

• I had an open class during second period and no one showed up (except for the kids, obviously).
• I received my second box of fancy ddok this week (must be wedding season) (also fancy stuffed ddok is delicious what up haters)
• Had "English club" at lunch where a gaggle of first graders came in and played Uno, maybe. Mostly they just yelled a whole lot. Maybe I have tinnitus now??
• Had one of my favourite students hug his friend and inform me that they are "gay couple" which, hey, good for you kids.
• Exchanged cat photos with a science teacher who, I found out, owns fifteen em effin cats. They're all adorable.
• Had a handsome PE teacher flirt with me a bit. I'm really hoping it was just harmless banter.

What a good day! I was a little sceptical of this place at first, but I've really warmed up to it. My only complaint is that the head of the English department insists that I sit in with all the teachers during the staff meeting. I appreciate the thought but it's always kind of awkward. I mean, do I feign interest in what the VP is saying? Unless he spontaneously starts counting or talking about food, I can't really understand what he's saying and everyone in that room knows it.

Oh well, it's a minor thing. 

CURRENT PERSON STATUS
DEAD INSIDE: Maybe
MADE ANY DUMB JOKES LATELY?: No, but I did begin my introductory article in the English newspaper with "Greetings and salutations dear readers!" which is pretty dumb.
CONSUMING: Season 1 of House, MD
CREATING: A tasty golden curry for dinner tonight.
WHEN IS TRANSCENDENTAL YOUTH COMING OUT ALREADY: a little over a week away I'm so excited!!!!

Mystical mind powers~

CURRENT PERSON STATUS
STILL DEAD INSIDE: Yes
THINKING ABOUT: writing a story based in Korea (with an all Korean cast), fruit
CURRENTLY CONSUMING THIS MEDIA: A Touch of Cloth but goddamn is Charlie Brooker brilliant.
WHY SHOULD I BOTHER WHEN YOU'RE NOT THE ONE FOR ME: OOOOooooOOOOOOooooo.

This post is about feminism, not Korea (except anecdotally) so maybe you should deal with it?

A couple years ago, during my first year in Korea, I had probably the only real blow-up I've had in my life as an adult. I was in a bar with some girlfriends and a dude whose name I forget but who I will call Trevor, drinking and chatting about our experiences with sexual harassment. Trevor was shocked -- bewildered even! -- at how upset/angry we became. After all, isn't it a compliment? He would love it if women came onto him the way men came onto us. And even if it's unwanted, all you have to do is say no.

What the hell dude, I said, basically. What about rape? Women can't always say no and anyway that's not even the issue here

Women are powerful, he argued. Women have "mind powers" over men (I distinctly remember that phrase because it might be the dumbest thing I've heard a person say with their mouth).

But what about rape

He never really did get back to me w/r/t women's mystical mind powers and how it can be used to prevent rape.

I'm reading this article on Jezebel about some gross high school women's basketball coach who self-published a book giving women advice on how to exercise their true power over men (while incidentally giving them hella blowjobs/acting like a stripper) and I had the strangest/grossest feeling of deja vu come over me.

A couple months ago I also read an article on noted bastion of intellect Cracked.com about how men are trained by the media to hate women, which started off decently (funny, true, etc) and then on page two took a sharp turn right off the reservation and straight into crazy town.

We're starving, and all women are various types of food. Only instead of food, it's sex. And we're trying to conduct our everyday business around the fact that we're trying to renew our driver's license with a talking pair of boobs. So, from about age 13 on, around 90 percent of our energy and discipline is devoted to overcoming this, to behave like civilized human beings and not like stray dogs in a meat market. One where instead of eating the meat, they want to hump it.

In the author's (admittedly minor) defense, he does admit that it's fucked up that men think this way and then does the written equivalent of shrugging his shoulders about it.

"Hey ladies here's a plate of garbage alright peace!" - The author, probably

What is this notion, this belief that in the sexual dynamic between men and women, women are the ones with all the power? Where did this come from? Is it the product of a few sexually frustrated guys or is this the overwhelming belief amongst men? I've only seen it pop up twice on the internet so far. I bet there's more to be had on noted internet sociopath sanctuary Reddit.com's MRA subreddit but I can't visit that site without vomiting blood all over my laptop, which is pretty bad for the processor.

The notion that women have all the power just because they have agency over their bodies, and who gets access to them, is pretty fucked up, especially when you consider that most women DON'T, at least not all the time. From minor cases like a stranger at the bar draping a "friendly" arm over her shoulder, to a stranger pressing his erection into her ass on a crowded subway, to a stranger grabbing her and kissing her in a park, all the way to distressing cases of actual, full-on violent assault, the average woman often doesn't have control over her personal space.

All of the above scenarios are real things that happened to either myself or my friends, by the way.

I was gonna go on a jag about how society pressures women to be pretty above all else, that you can be whatever you want in the whole wide world so long as you are still pretty and feminine and sexy (but not slutty, gross) but I don't think I have anything new to add to the conversation beyond "hey this exists and it's messed up and it's not changing and I'm pretty mad about it".

The point is, I'm a women and I never feel like I'm the one holding all the cards in any relationship. The notion that I'm the more powerful one is insulting, because it invalidates my experiences with harassment and assault*. "Hey you feel gross and inadequate and powerless well guess what you aren't!!!!! Because you won't have sex with men (me)!!!!! NOW STOP COMPLAINING." 

Besides, I don't want to have all the power, that sounds exhausting. I would rather just share. 

* You know what my first thoughts always are after being attacked? "How could I have prevented that?" My first instinctual reaction is to blame myself instead of, say, the actual person who did the attacking. Thanks rape culture!!!!

Why don't I blog more? Blogging is probably the easiest way to express yourself on the internet. You don't need anything beyond basic literacy. And yet I don't really do anything with my blog because... reasons? Who fucking knows.

I need to stop consuming and start producing. I'm starting to worry I've become a vacuum, a void free from anything substantial or interesting. What if my personality is just garbage? What if my personality is only skin-deep? What am I going to do with myself?

Deep questions. Something to think about while lying awake at 3am (prime time for thinking horrible things apparently).

But anyway, I'm back in Korea again for a non-consecutive second year. This lovely picture above was taken from the outskirts of my neighbourhood and holy hannah is it ever nice. The temple, I mean. The neighbourhood is the typical Korean mishmash of nice, new houses beside nice, old houses beside old houses in disrepair beside corner stores beside hair salons beside rundown apartment buildings (where I live) beside restaurants beside etc. etc.

Both neighbourhoods I've lived in have been like this. Maybe it's not fair to call it a "typical Korean neighbourhood" -- maybe it's more fair to say "typical urban neighbourhood in this particular part of Korea although maybe your neighbourhood is different who knows also I don't care" you pedantic weirdo*.

Both have been tucked away from the main roads, usually down winding narrow roads that don't have any sidewalks so you end up sharing the same road with cars, delivery trucks, bikes, scooters, roving packs of adjosshis, fruit trucks, delivery bikes, another car, and human spittle (if you're lucky)(damn you adjosshis!!!!). The upside of this however is you become desensitized to cars passing slowly within an inch or less from your person and that's basically a super power. I'm not sure how it could be used to fight crime but it does make you look like a total badass.

But hell this isn't going to be one of those foreigner blogs where the blogger just spends her time moaning about Korea -- I plan to complain about just about everything so buckle up for that hey wait where are you going.

It took me a fucking age to work out how to work Instagram not gonna lie.

I'm glad to be back and I'm happy to see my friends again and to return to my old stomping grounds, especially the ones in Seoul. I went to Hongdae last night to see a gig a friend of mine was playing at. The bands were all foreigner bands (at least the ones I saw were) and they were all incredible. But I have to give special mention (and a shameless plug) to my extremely talented friend and her band, The Infinite Things. The gig itself was a fundraiser for the Butterfly Fund, a charity founded by former 'comfort women' to provide assistance to other women raped during times of war, something I am definitely interested in supporting.

Man my writing has gotten really stiff. It took me way too long to craft that last paragraph. I don't know if I should keep pushing myself to write diary-esque entries like that in order to improve or if I should stick to what I'm good at but what am I good at anyway??? so many questions...

But attending that gig (I never not feel ridiculous calling a show a "gig" and I'm not sure why, it's a perfectly acceptable word right??) and seeing my friend look so happy and watching all those creative types doing what they loved of course made me think about myself and how long it's been since I've actually produced anything. I mean, I cook loads and loads but that's not really the same.

Although it is something I'm passionate about. Hmm.

That's why I've returned to this blog. I'm going to make an effort to write in it more frequently and hopefully in doing so I'll improve my writing.

That's all I got. Hongdae is great though and I missed it a lot. I mean, I'll always love downtown Toronto and Queen West (esp Parkdale) in particular but there's just something special about Hongdae. Maybe it's the booze, or the outside jam sessions in the children's park, or the dance clubs (well, all the ones except for Cocoon maybe), or the fact that you can basically stumble into any bar/club in Hongdae and find a show, or the cool boutique-y stores, or the graffiti, or the Makgeoli man. Music and booze, two of my favourite things.

SO TO SUM UP: I am maybe dead inside, Hongdae rules, my neighbourhood is gross but charming.

* Hurling abuse at imaginary readers is a great way to bump up your pageviews right

Just when I think I've gotten a handle of my dumb eating disorder, I catch myself standing over a sink, debating whether or not to dump out half a vitamin water (calorie count: 60) because because because calories????


I didn't. I'm drinking the stupid vitamin water and will probably feel bad about it later but fuck those feelings. I look great and I am healthy. 


I once read that those little verbal affirmations, the whole "every day in every way I'm getting better and better"-style of thing, don't really work on people with low self-esteem. I remember not being terribly shocked by the news, as I knew first hand that there is a big difference between knowing something and believing something. For example, I knew for a long time that no one really cared about the things I did or didn't do or how I looked or whatever, but it took me a long time to accept it and start believing in it.


If I recall correctly, the guy who wrote this thing (which I think was a book excerpt off of Amazon?) spent a great deal of time talking some mess about how being sad is perfectly valid and forcing yourself to feel something false solves nothing which hey I completely agree with. I am a strong proponent of being sad sometimes and feeling what you feel without shame or judgement. 


But then he went on about how small talk is terrible and a pointless waste of time and so forth. Whatever dude, being nice and participating in society once and a while costs you literally nothing. 


In non-crazy person news1, I've been recreationally watching my way through the animated DC D2DVD movies and they're... okay. Nothing has really blown me away (except for the incredible animation quality). I'd like to actually sit down and maybe write a real review of the ones I've seen at some point, so maybe that will happen.


This blog still feels like it's in its beta stage, where I just write rough shit until I get a little better at saying what I want to say.




1 haha not really

Extremely informal taco review

So last night I went out  for dinner to the only place in Toronto that, as far as I can tell anyway, will actually serve vegetarian tacos.

Yes I am vegetarian, have been since January. So far it's been pretty frictionless, save for the family potluck wherein every single dish featured bacon (my fault probably for forgetting to tell them I don't actually eat meat anymore).

Anyway, the place is called Kitch and I'm going to go ahead and cut through the tension and just say it sucks. Or rather, it's two vegetarian tacos (yam+chipotle+goat cheese and beet+walnut pesto+goat cheese+basil) suck. Maybe their meat selections are better but brother, for $9/per two tacos there are better options available.

The taco trend has pretty much exploded all over Toronto, so much so that Torontoist has begun a "Tacos of Summer" series that explores the different tacquerias in the city. Like the other current food trends (Izakayas and chacuteries) that are super hot right now you guys it's not terribly convenient for vegetarians.

And for vegetarian foodies/gourmands/whatevers? Forget about it.

I don't really want to talk much about the restaurant itself because I don't really care about how it looks, what music it plays, or what kind of tattoos our server had (I think she maybe had a half sleeve). The only thing worth mentioning there is that it's way the fuck out on Dupont, across from that bastion of sadness, the Galleria mall (not to be confused with the awesome Korean super market of the same name). I only mention that because if you really are jonesing for $9 meat tacos, there are probably better locations (hell, there's that little one in K-Town -- I don't remember what it's called, but it's got the sign that claims it's home to "Toronto's 'best' tacos" which is always great to see).

Instead I'd like to talk about the food because that is what I like to talk about all the time anyway.

First off is the yam+chipotle+goat cheese, which was the better of the two. It was warm, although the shells it was served in were not, and moderately flavourful. Now, it's hard to go wrong with the yam and chipotle flavour combo -- one of my favourite things to make is a yam chipotle enchilada -- but the addition of goat cheese to the mix is pretty weird. Like, I like goat cheese a whole lot, so I was intrigued, but the execution was lacking. There wasn't a very strong chipotle flavour, the yam mash was watery, and the goat cheese was just sort of weirdly over-powering.

The beet walnut though...  yeesh. I took my first bite, looked at my friend, and said "this tastes bizarre". That is probably the best you can hope for. The taco was cold, the beets were bland and watery, the walnut pesto was probably absent, the goat cheese was again too much, and the basil was just odd odd odd. This mix would probably be better served on a bed of noodles, where the flavours would be allowed to spread over a wider medium, rather than just being crammed in a tiny taco, where all of its subtleties are lost.

HOW I WOULD IMPROVE THESE MESSES

I would start by not buying my yam and/or beets in a can. I don't mind using canned substitutions as a time saver, but when you are a fucking restaurant and you are charging me nine goddamn dollars, you can maybe afford to buy an actual yam and some actual beets and fucking roast them yourself. Do you know how good roast beet tastes? They're goddamn amazing.

Ironically, I would then just buy some chipotles canned in adobo because I'm pretty sure they just used powdered chipotle which is ridiculous because a can of chipotles cost less than $3 what is wrong with you.

I would put some fuckin garlic up in that pesto because I couldn't taste any.

Finally, no goat cheese. It was ambitious, guy who designed this menu at Kitch, but it didn't really work in execution. I'm not really a cheese expert so I don't really have any suggestions on what to use instead. Maybe I'll ask my fellow veg pal who fuckin loves cheese.I bet she knows what's up.

FINAL SCORE: "don't go to that place unless they get a new chef maybe".

24/f/Toronto

The trouble with blogs, or rather, my trouble with blogs, is that they're fun to think about (and I do think about it, frequently, because I have so many things I want to say into the grand empty theatre of the internet), and I've had many friends encourage me to write one, but actually getting down to creating one really bores me. 


Because I don't like introductions. I love the idea of having an established blog, but I'm less enthused about writing an introductory post (which is starting to feel like a cover letter), picking a blog title (my fault, because my standards for titles are so ridiculously high that a good title must a) state what this blog is about, b) do so in an amusing, pithy way, and c) maybe reference something I like), and basically that involves me making a statement of "this is who I am, this is what I'm about" to a group of strangers.


But... I also really like the idea of doing it. I've been fascinated by keeping a diary since before I knew what diaries were even called (I called them "lock books"). Back then I was obsessed with the idea of having a book that only I can open, with words only I can read or write. I wanted to have secrets, and I wanted to have control over those secrets. Now the idea has evolved into something more complicated: I still want secrets, but more than that I want opinions and I want to share and discuss them with people I've never met and maybe will never meet. I want to share parts of myself, while still feeling in control of the image I'm projecting. I probably have a better chance of doing that with words on a screen than I ever did as a ridiculous person with a face and a body who gestures and spits when she talks sometimes.


I also really want to work on my writing because holy goddamn is it rusty. Look at all of those awkward sentences up there. 


So here's my compromise: I'm gonna write this introduction and then I'm going to pretend I've been writing this blog for at least a year and a half. I'm going to tell myself that I am established no really you guys and there are absolutely people in the audience, I just can't see or hear them because I'm way too caught up in the monologue.


But first, I am:


- way too intensely into food/comics/music/stories
- part of the fearsome third wave of feminism
- president of the wake up club
- here to party


And this blog is about:


- all of the things I'm way too into
- also feminism


I'm gonna go eat tacos tonight (a fool's errand in Toronto but fuck it) and maybe I will write some words about that later? I may also write about how great Justice League: Generation Lost was (so fucking good you guys).