You were cool

Just when I think I've gotten a handle of my dumb eating disorder, I catch myself standing over a sink, debating whether or not to dump out half a vitamin water (calorie count: 60) because because because calories????


I didn't. I'm drinking the stupid vitamin water and will probably feel bad about it later but fuck those feelings. I look great and I am healthy. 


I once read that those little verbal affirmations, the whole "every day in every way I'm getting better and better"-style of thing, don't really work on people with low self-esteem. I remember not being terribly shocked by the news, as I knew first hand that there is a big difference between knowing something and believing something. For example, I knew for a long time that no one really cared about the things I did or didn't do or how I looked or whatever, but it took me a long time to accept it and start believing in it.


If I recall correctly, the guy who wrote this thing (which I think was a book excerpt off of Amazon?) spent a great deal of time talking some mess about how being sad is perfectly valid and forcing yourself to feel something false solves nothing which hey I completely agree with. I am a strong proponent of being sad sometimes and feeling what you feel without shame or judgement. 


But then he went on about how small talk is terrible and a pointless waste of time and so forth. Whatever dude, being nice and participating in society once and a while costs you literally nothing. 


In non-crazy person news1, I've been recreationally watching my way through the animated DC D2DVD movies and they're... okay. Nothing has really blown me away (except for the incredible animation quality). I'd like to actually sit down and maybe write a real review of the ones I've seen at some point, so maybe that will happen.


This blog still feels like it's in its beta stage, where I just write rough shit until I get a little better at saying what I want to say.




1 haha not really